Monday, November 15, 2010

Just Another Saturday...

When I was cruising about working full-time as a Marketing Officer in local government, Saturdays were my favourite day of the week. My husband always worked, so I got the whole house to myself and would wake up at my leisure before taking in a lazy breakfast, maybe make a cameo at the gym, then get dressed into something snazzy and hit the shops. Maybe meet a friend for lunch. Park myself on the beach in the afternoon to work on my tan. And when husband returned from work we'd go out for dinner, or order in takeaway and watch a couple of DVDs. Yes, Saturdays were a great day to be alive...

Nowadays, things have changed a little. Somewhat. I can't quite put my finger on it, but Saturdays just don't seem to have the same ZING they once did. Maybe you can help me identify why? Here's a little snapshot of Saturday, November 13:

I awaken, with boobs the size of basketballs and that all-too-familiar tingly sensation that I need to release milk NOW.OR.ELSE. I heave myself out of bed and into Elliott's room. He's awake too, sucking his fist with gusto with his king-sheet sized wrap everywhere but around his body. How has he managed to escape this time? We sit quietly together until he is full and I am empty. I wrap him again like a caterpillar in a cocoon. I climb back into bed.

"DAAAAAADDY!" Fern is awake.
"DAAAAAADDY UPPPPP!" And she's not going back to sleep.

Great. Neither are we.

I've injected a double-shot-flat-white into my veins and am considering another.
But I have a baby to feed.
And I have to throw on my gym clothes for my Saturday slog-out and get out of the house by 7.20 to make it to my class on time.

I leave the house.

Spin class commences and I make it with about 3 milliseconds to spare.

Depart Spin class, skipping cool-down. Husband needs to leave for work in 2 mins.

Arrive home. Husband greets me in the driveway. Says both children are asleep. I eye him skeptically, give him the benefit of the doubt and excitedly make plans to get some jobs done.

Husband leaves for work.

Hear Fern screaming out from the second story to get up.

Bring Fern outside to 'help' me wash the car. Maybe I can still get one job done?!

Rescue Fern from running down the road.

Rescue Fern from running down the road again.

Pen Fern inside garden gate to sit watching quietly, while I wash car.

Wash car -- treating neighbours to tranquil symphony of daughter screaming her lungs out to be let outside gate.

Carry Fern back inside and deposit her into bed with orders to go to sleep.

9.02 - 10am.
Shower. Dress. Tidy up house. Put washing on. Get Elliott up to change/feed/burp/cuddle him.

Daughter sobbing uncontrollably. Calmly get her out of bed. Put her in front of the television with a bottle.

Daughter still screaming.

Ring husband to moan down phone about daughter.

Put baby in rocker on kitchen bench (so safe, I know) and commence making blueberry pancakes in desperate attempt to placate daughter.

Return baby to bed.

Sit outside eating pancakes with daughter, who has finally stopped screaming.

Rub sunscreen onto daughter. Hang washing out. Help daughter onto bike. Help daughter off bike. Fill up water play-table. Offer pieces of chalk to daughter to draw onto chalkboard. Scrub chalk off outdoor seating. Phone rings inside. Run in to grab it. It's RSPCA. Do I want to support animal welfare by buying 2011 calendar? Rescued from having to reply by daughter screaming again.

Baby wakes up. Change nappy. Feed. Burp. Cuddle.

Lift baby off play-rug. Discover a huge a blow-out. Remove snap suit with tweezers. Change baby. Soak clothes in Napisan.

Offer baby milk top-up. Sit baby on lap for burping.

Man-sized bottom burp from baby. Check the back of suit. Coast is clear.

Lift baby up to place into bed. Realise with horror baby has blown-out from the bottom of his suit this time. Straight onto my dress. And soaked through onto my leg.

Change and select 3rd outfit for the day for baby. Soak his clothes  in second bucket of Napisan.

Shower and change my own outfit. Soak MY clothes in bucket of Napisan. Add 'Napisan' to shopping list.

Return baby to bed. Put Fern back to bed.

Make self a sandwich. Sit down to eat it.

Fern yelling to get up.

Get Fern back up.

Baby wakes up.

Sit on couch nursing Elliott, watching daughter throw wooden blocks around living room. The phone rings. It's my brother in law. He's hurt his back. Can't get out of bed. And his wife is away for the weekend.

Bundle children into car and drive over to brother-in-laws. Leave Elliott in bedroom with brother-in-law while I escort daughter into living room to find some blocks.

Brother-in-law calls out to me. It's Elliott. He's blown out. Again.

Realise I've forgotten change of outfit for Elliott. Ring husband.

Husband arrives. Change baby. Realise it's dinner time for daughter. Raid brother-in-law's fridge and come up with highly nutritious offering of 2-minute noodles, bacon and grated cheese.


Sit with daughter building lego whilst husband goes out to get takeaway Indian for brother-in-law.

Arrive home. Bath baby. Dress baby. Feed baby. Put baby to bed. Kiss daughter goodnight.

Get grizzling baby back up for a top-up feed.

Shower. Clean up living room. Try not to strangle husband when he asks whether he can race his bike on Sunday morning.

Prepare nappies, wipes etc in preparation for night-feed and drag body into bed. Get 2.5 pages into Eat Pray Love before all memory disappears........

Yup, just another Saturday!

hmmmm. Reading back over my day, I cannot for the life of me work out whereth the problem lieth.... can you?!?


  1. You must be exhausted! I remember those weekends of the gym, shopping and lunch. Vaguely! Hope you get a little "me" time soon. You deserve it xx

  2. You've exhausted me reading that post Nicole!! :) Oh the days of baby blow outs - thank goodness I'm over that stage for now although I should definitely have shares in Napisan and Grace's clothes seem to be constantly soaking in a bucket. Just think, in the not too distant future, your Saturdays will be much more relaxed with your two playing nicely together and running around the backyard while you sit back and enjoy your double strength coffee and watch on :) Hope your Monday is less tiring xx

  3. Sorry Nic, but that was hilarious. When I got to the 1.50 pm blow out I was in fits of giggles til the end.
    Ah, this will be my life in less than 6 months time :)

  4. Oh dear... so funny yet so painful all at the same time. I know my life is close to this right now and in a few short weeks, it WILL be my life... Hmmm not so funny anymore.

    At least you can see the humour lovely. I think whats missing from your run sheet is a bloody big glass - make that bottle - of white wine on the deck as the sun sets. And some chocolate. Chocolate and wine solve everything! xx

  5. Ahh, that had me in fits. It all sounds about right.

    Those baby blow outs have eased off now (I remember a particularly heinous one all over the car seat), but now we have Noah refusing to poo anywhere except in his Thomas the Tank Engine undies. And I thought my soaking days were over...

    Good luck :)

  6. sounds delightful! What on earth did we ever do pre-baby?! I think I will just copy and paste the above into my own life in 3 months time!

  7. Ekkkkkkk!!!! I'm feeling dizzy after reading that!
    I think I'm going to make hubby sit down and read this post the next time he starts bugging me for child no.2 (which is starting to become a daily occurance). I know, what did we do prekids?
    But Amanda is right, in about 12mths they will be little buddies occupying each other and blow outs will be a thing of the past :)

  8. 145pm hahaha!

    Oh Nicole you poor thing! Everyone is right...well at least I hope they are. Your lucky to have 2 in the sense of them amusing each other. I don't know what our mother would have done with 3 kids under 5 if we didnt have each other for Barbies and My Little Pony fashion parades :-)

  9. Oh my golly gosh this made me laugh so much Nicole and I hope you know that it's with you, not at you! I can't believe how much time I didn't appreciate that I had before Bebito. xxx

  10. This is an absolutely hilarious post! After practically begging my other half to start on the baby stage in our life, maybe I should just enjoy these Saturdays I have, partner at work, getting up late, brekky, gym, then out for dinner for a while longer?!

  11. Oh man. This sounds familiar but fortunately for me this was my general week and my husband is at home most Saturdays. Now mine are a teeny bit older it's all a teeny bit easier, just new things to drive me crazy instead! xx It doesn't last forever..does it?

  12. OMG - This makes me to never want to have children. Ever! Im exhausted reading this!

  13. Oh man, how much would I give to have Saturday's like that back again. And to be able to go shopping without having to worry about when the next feed is or how many more shops the 2.5 yr old can bear, that would be bliss.
    Not that I'd give my kids up for anything of course :)


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